An NDE and an NLe (A Near Death Experiance and a New Love Experiance)
by I-Am-Ringleader
Summary: Brendon goes to confess his feelings to Ryan, and finds something horrifying. Please note: I DO NOT WRITE CHARACTER DEATH. I SWEAR BEFORE GOD I DON't. Has a happy ending. RYDEN RYDEN RYDEN. Smut. You have been warned.


A NDE and a NLE (Near Death Experience and a New Love Experience)

POV- Third, Brendon-centric

Written by: I-Am-Ringleader

(A/N) _**WARNING:**__ Possible side effects of reading this include but are not limited to: shaking of the hands or knees, heavy breathing, dry mouth, lips or throat, and an unconventional addiction to boy sex. So, yeah, __**have fun.**_

Any outsider would only have seen a blur of color carrying a rose dash around the corner to continue on to a apartment complex. But really, it was Brendon Urie, 19, six-foot-one, and irrevocably in love. Brendon was hyper, more so than normal. He was finally going to do it! He was going to tell Ryan how he felt about him, the odds be damned. Brendon paused as he got to his best friend's apartment door. What if Ryan ran screaming? Or shunned him or-. The scariest thought of all practically clubbed Brendon in the chest; what if they both liked each other at the same time? What then? Brendon stopped and shook the "what-ifs" out of his head. He would just have to see.

The younger boy knocked on Ryan's door confidently—Ryan was always home at this time. He waited, twirling the red, long stemmed rose between his fingers, nimbly avoiding the thorns. And waited. And waited. No reply. Brendon's brow furrowed, and he knocked again, louder. Still no reply. Five minutes had passed from when he first reached his crush's door. He tentatively called out "Ryan? Ry?" No response. Brendon was confused. Ryan was always, always home at this time, everyday like clock work. Ryan had said so himself. Brendon's face fell. He would have to come back later. He turned around, and heard a peculiar sound, like the sound you hear when you step in a small puddle.

Wait...a small puddle? It hadn't rained in the past month, practically. It was freaking March in Nevada! Brendon looked down, and his hand flew to cover his mouth in horror. He was standing in a pool of...blood. The boy grew weak, swaying dangerously, then an alarming realization came to him. Where had it come from? He whirled around to face Ryan's door, and then, for the first time, noticed the blood congealing in the crack between the concrete and the bottom of the door. Terror filled Brendon. Ryan! No, not Ryan! Brendon desperately jiggled the locked doorknob as the world spun. No, no, no, no, no! Ryan! Brendon threw himself up against the door, shoulder lowered to plow into the front door. It shuddered. Brendon let out a scream and threw himself forward again. He had to get in there—something was wrong with Ryan, and that's all that mattered.

The door gave away, and Brendon stumbled into his crush's secluded apartment. The carpet in front of the door was stained crimson and Ryan was a few feet beyond that, on the ground, surrounded by the blood coming out of two red slits on his wrists, and one of his bare chest. Oh my God NO! Not Ryan! Brendon dashed over the bloodstained carpet, and knelt down beside the older boy, letting the rose fall from his hands into a pool of blood by Ryan's left hand. Ryan's eyes were shut. Tears fell down the dark eyed boy's face as he checked for a pulse. It was weak, but it was there. "Ryan! _Ryan!_" Brendon shouted in a panic, grabbing the boy he loved by the shoulders, shaking him. "No _Ryan, no wake up! Don't leave me damn it!_"

Brendon grabbed both of Ryan's wrists, one with each hand, in an effort to stop the bleeding and save his life. He was sobbing uncontrollably, and let his forehead hit the part of Ryan's chest that was bare, the fabric of his shirt torn away by a knife. He let tears fall down his face, not caring about the presence of blood, closing his eyes, tight. "Ry...no, Ry, you promised you would always be there for me...you promised..." He slid his hands onto the other boy's chest. "You bastard." he sobbed. "You bastard! You fucking _promised_. Why Ryan, oh God, why?!" A weak voice broke through his wailing. "And when have I ever broken a promise to you?" Brendon's head snapped up. "Ryan?" He looked up into Ryan's half closed golden eyes. The older boy gave Brendon a weak smile. "Hey, Bren." Brendon grinned wide. "Ryan! You're okay! You're okay! Thank God..." A stray tear rolled down his cheek "Thank God...Thank God..." Ryan half laughed, then slid his left hand through his blood to shakily grab the rose Brendon has discarded. He slightly held it up. "Where did this come from...?" Brendon stood swiftly, blushing. "Uhm, I got it for you Ry...That was why I came over in the first place." Ryan looked confused and uncaring about his apparent attempt, so Brendon went on, trying to look calm. "I'm..I'm gay, Ryan...I really like you. Hell, I love you." He spoke with conviction.

Ryan's eyes widened. "You love me? Really?" Brendon nodded, since there was no turning back now. "Yes." Ryan struggled to an upright sitting position, then beckoned to Brendon, one eyebrow raised. "Come down here." Brendon crouched down, eye level with his crush. Brendon bit his lip nervously. "Okay, now wh-" Ryan's mouth cut him off, pressing, closed lips, to his. A hand wiped the tear stains and blood off of Brendon's face. Brendon ran his tongue along Ryan's bottom lip and recoiled. Ryan looked hurt. "What? What did I do?" Brendon wiped his mouth with the back of his hand gingerly. "Nothing, Ryan, its just..." Brendon smirked. "Honey, you taste like blood." Ryan frowned, remembering earlier. "Oh, yeah...Brendon, damn you, why didn't you tell me earlier?!" Brendon was taken aback. "Huh?" Ryan went on. "If you had told me this, hell, even this morning, this could have been prevented. I never would have done what I did! Why, Brendon, did you keep it from me for so long? I felt miserable, awful, all because I thought that you didn't love me back. The thought of...of that, was unbearable. B..." Ryan looked slightly up at him through his lashes. "I didn't want to live in a world where I thought I wasn't loved by the man I idolized with everything I am."

Brendon leaned forward, resting his forehead on the older boy's. "God...Ryan..I was the reason you...?" "Tried to kill myself? Yes. And one other reason but..." Brendon flinched at the harsh words. Ryan's eyes softened. "Its fine, now, Bren...We have each other, right?" Brendon nodded, and gave Ryan some room, scooping him up in his arms, carrying him toward the bathroom. "You, my normally sexy friend, need a bath to clean up." Ryan pouted. "Normally?" Brendon kicked open the bathroom door, setting Ryan down. "Don't take it personally, _mi amor" _Brendon said, showing off the one Spanish phrase he knew, "No one would look hot doused in their own blood."

Brendon bit his lip as Ryan peeled off his shredded, bloodstained shirt and kicked off his equally stained jeans, leaving him in his boxers. Ryan turned back around to face the dark eyed boy. "Wash these for me?" he kicked the discarded clothes to him. Brendon shook his head to clear it. "Uhm, uh, sure." He picked up the clothes, tucking them under his arm. Ryan's boxers were riding so low on his thin frame he could he the tops of his hipbones, and the start of indents, like someone had pressed their thumbs onto the older boy's skin. Brendon couldn't help but stare, taking in all his new found lover had inadvertently put on display for him. He shuddered at the sight of the gashes on him, which were already starting to heal and had stopped bleeding, thank the Lord for that. He went back to looking at Ryan's hips, his mouth, the undamaged part of his chest.

Ryan followed his gaze, then smirked, back to his usual self already. He swayed his hips from side to side, and heard Brendon audibly swallow. He pretended he didn't know what he had done, and turned around to draw a bath, leaning over farther than necessary. Brendon backed against Ryan's bathroom door and groaned, letting his head tip back to hit the door. "Ryan...God..." Ryan pretended to be surprised. "Oh, you still here?" he teased. Brendon nodded. "You knew I was, damn it." Ryan giggled. "You're right. I did. But please leave so I can clean off this..." he gestured to himself "Blood."

Brendon shakily nodded his assent. "I'll...uhm..." he faltered. God, Ryan's boxers had slid even lower. Why, was Ryan trying to kill him? "I'll go put these in the washer, then get to cleaning up in the living room." He turned, almost running into the door frame in his haste to get out. If he was there when Ryan lost his boxers, then...well, nothing in the way of cleaning would get done. He heard the door behind him shut, and heard more rushing water as Ryan filled his large bathtub. Brendon threw Ryan's clothes, shredded shirt and all, into the washing machine, and unthinkingly started it. "AGGGHH, DAMNIT BRENDON, I DIDN'T MEAN START THEM NOW". Ryan's scream reached the younger boy down the hall, as the bath water temperature rose to a fever pitch. Brendon cringed. Oops. He ran into the living room, snagging cleaning supplies as he went. He stopped short when he saw the dark red stains on the carpet. He was the cause of this, him and his cowardice, he had driven Ryan to do that to himself. He hung his head. He wasn't sure he would ever stop feeling bad about that, ever. Brendon dropped to the floor, applying tremendous amounts of effort, water, and Oxyclean to the bloodstains in order to lift them. It was the least he could do for the boy he loved.

Half an hour later, the stains were gone, like a bad dream that fades when the sun rises. Brendon heard the tub drain, and the bathroom door open. He could feel the steam from the hot water hit him, even from his place on the sofa. He heard Ryan's bedroom door shut softly. Aimless, and trying not to think of Ryan in a towel-which was proving to be more difficult by the minute-Brendon turned on the TV. The only thing on was Cake Boss. Meh, it would have to do. Three episodes later, Ryan was still in his room. Brendon decided to take his chances, and he walked up to his...boyfriend's..? door. He called out. "Everything okay?" Ryan quickly replied. "You offering to come in here and help me, Bren?" Brendon's eyebrows shot up. That escalated quickly. He swallowed, "Maybe I am." "Come in here, then." Brendon opened the door, and struggled to breathe. Ryan was laying on his bed, on top of the white comforter. He was shirtless, his hair still damp, and his jeans were low slung, unbuttoned, and unzipped. Brendon leaned almost drunkenly against the wall. "Ryyy...? What are you..?" He couldn't finish his sentence, noticing Ryan's boxers over the top of the waistband of his jeans.

Ryan beckoned with one finger to the dark eyed boy. "Come over here." Brendon weakly walked to his boyfriend's bed, dropping on it. Ryan leaned up and pulled Brendon's shirt off, and he breathed into the younger boy's ear. "I'm glad you finally asked to come in. Having to go and get you would have been decidedly unsexy." He wrapped his arms possessively around Brendon's shoulders, letting his hands trace the contours of his lover's spine. Brendon let out a low groan. "Ryan...you don't have to-" "I know. I want to." Ryan nipped at Brendon's earlobe, tugging with his teeth. "Wanna touch you...feel you..I've been good, I've waited for you. I can't wait any longer. Not after what happened earlier." Brendon's hands reached out to grab the older boy's thin waist, pulling him selfishly onto his lap. Brendon sighed, "Want you too...I'm sorry..." Ryan stopped kissing Brendon's neck. "What for?" Brendon blushed. "For waiting so long to tell you. I feel like we've wasted a lot of time that we could have been together. And it made you so miserable...I was the cause of your attempt. Me. It was all my fault..." Ryan cupped Brendon's face, looking up at him—Brendon was a little taller. "Hey, don't beat yourself up m'kay? We have..." Ryan shifted his weight, to where he was straddling the younger boy's lap. "All night to make up for lost time and faults."

Brendon wrapped his arms tight around Ryan's waist, fiercely kissing his soft mouth. He forcefully pressed his tongue past his lips, and Ryan moaned low in his throat. "Love it...when you do that...". Brendon pressed down on Ryan's shoulders settling him back onto his pillows. Ryan's eyes fluttered shut. Brendon slid his hands down Ryan's chest, sliding off the other boy's jeans and boxers. Ryan whimpered. "B, wait..." Brendon sat up, thoroughly confused. "Ryan, what did I do wrong? I thought you wanted me like I wanted you, remember?" Ryan slid off the bed, walking over to the light switch by the door. "I do want you, its just..." he paused, switching off the lights, "the lights. I don't want to have to see myself." Brendon frowned, squinting in the darkness. "But Ry...I want to see you. You're...God, I can't even think of a strong enough word to describe you...You're amazing, Ry." Ryan shook his head sadly. "I'm not worth seeing." "If you're not worth seeing then I want to go blind. Cause if your not beautiful enough to see, nothing is." Ryan was touched; no one had said that to him before—but he refused. "No, Bren. Lights off."

Brendon stood up, walking over to Ryan and flipping on the lights, pulling Ryan over to his full length mirror before he could turn off the lights again. Brendon spun Ryan to face the mirror. "No, B, don't..." Brendon slipped out of his jeans and boxers, kicking them aside, and he stood right behind the boy he loved. Both boys stared into the mirror, and their naked reflections stared back. "Look at the mirror." Brendon demanded. Ryan stubbornly shook his head. "No." "Ryan." Brendon scolded, "Do it." The golden eyed boy reluctantly looked at himself in the glass. Brendon wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist, and leaned down to hook his chin over his shoulder. "Tell me what you see that you don't like about yourself." "No, Bren, please, don't make me, please." Ryan begged. Brendon didn't respond, just stayed in the same position he was in. Ryan hesitantly started to list off all his "flaws".

"My eyes. They're such a weird color—yellow brown, not like your beautiful brown ones, B." Brendon thought Ry's eyes looked golden."My jawline. I don't like it. It's awkward, basically not there." "Mm-hm" Brendon murmured, not agreeing, but urging him to go on. Ryan took a shaky breath. "A-and...my chest. I don't have any muscle, I'm practically a living skeleton. Same with my so called 'abs'." Brendon glanced down at the boy's abdomen—he didn't have a defined six pack, but you could see the start of one. A tear rolled down Ryan's cheek; this was hard for him. "My hips. Their so skinny—damn it why is all of me so thin?!—I hate that..." Brendon just held him tighter. "And my ass—its not there! Its nonexistent..." Ryan looked distressed. "All of me is so undefined, I'm like a fucking stick figure, B! Why can't I look more like you?" Ryan met Brendon's eyes in the mirror. "You're perfect. I'm not."

Brendon didn't say a word, just brought his hands up to the side of Ryan's face. He gently kissed under his ear, and ran his hand down his lover's jawline, over his chest, his abs, his hips. One hand slipped between them to caress Ryan's butt. Ryan tipped his head back onto Brendon's shoulder, a gentle moan escaping him. "You really don't like those parts of you?" Brendon softly asked. Ryan nodded. Brendon clenched his teeth in playful anger, nipping his neck reproachfully. "I ought to be insulted. Those are my favorite parts of you. Give or take." Ryan looked at the floor. "I'm sorry..." "Don't be. I've wanted to do this for a long time." Brendon stepped between Ryan and the mirror, grinning.

Ryan looked confused, then pleasantly surprised as Brendon roughly pushed him back onto the bed, growling as he did so. Brendon climbed over the submissive boy, kissing up his stomach to his collarbone. Ryan closed his eyes and threw his head back, shivering with pleasure as he felt Brendon sucking at his skin, marking him as his. Brendon used one hand to pin Ryan's hands above his head as his kisses reached his jawline. He growled when Ryan tried to move his jaw away. "No." He commanded with a dark edge to his voice, which quickly softened out. "Ry, I love your jawline. It's perfect to kiss, to lick, to mark..." He listed, doing each thing as he said it. Ryan's mouth fell open, "Bren..." his name tumbled off the boy's lips like a moan. The brown eyed boy took advantage of Ryan's parted lips, slipping his tongue between them with ease, but pulling slightly back when Ryan tried to seal their lips together. The "kiss" wasn't even a kiss. It was all tongue.

Brendon pulled away, letting his lips slide down Ryan's chest, carefully avoiding the healing gash. "I love your chest. So perfect..." He slid down to his abs, letting his tongue trace over the lines that hinted at a six pack, teasing, tasting. "And so what you don't have a real six pack? They're so over rated. I like my men a little..." He kissed right above Ryan's hips, "feminine." Ryan shivered, basking in the feeling of Brendon touching him, saying those things to him...Ryan arched his back in pleasure as Brendon firmly slid his hands over his ass. Brendon's lips were still playing around Ryan's hipbones, and Ryan could feel them on his skin as the younger boy spoke. "And I shouldn't even have to tell you that I happen to _love_ your ass. You wonder why I always suggest you wear skinny jeans everywhere I am? Oh, God, you beautiful boy...They look sexy on you..." Brendon traced Ryan's hips with his tongue. "Although, they look even sexier when they are completely _off_ you." Ryan's hips bucked up desperately, and his hands fought to get free of Brendon's hold. "God, B, let me...let me touch you, God..." Brendon gave a lewd smirk. "What would happen if...?" Then Brendon was straddling Ryan, but no longer touching him, just teasing him with little brushes of his jaw, chest and hips. Ryan whimpered "Nnngh, Brennn why...? Touch me or let me touch you, please just...Oh GOD, BRENDON." Brendon had roughly ground his hips down onto Ryan's, bare skin to bare skin. Brendon leaned down to growl in the panting boy's ear. "Do you want something, Ryro? Hmm? What do you want?" Ryan couldn't deny that he liked this, what Brendon was doing. It was hot, it had him panting, moaning, almost to the point of begging. And Brendon was figuring out that Ryan was a bit of a masochist. Brendon didn't like to hurt people, he was _never_ a sadist, but if Ryan wanted it, he would be a little bit of a sadist to Ryan's little bit of a masochist.

Ryan's mouth fell open in a silent moan. He had just remembered that he had neighbors in this complex, and, oh yeah, _thin walls_. He had to be quieter. He pleaded with his dominating boyfriend above him. "Yes, baby, I want...God, I _need_ you. Please, B, ungh. God, touch me _please_." The boy's tone was desperate, needy. Brendon nipped Ryan's lower lip. "I don't think you really want it enough, Ry. If you really wanted me, you'd tell me _where_ you wanted to be touched, and _how_." Ryan bit his lip, trying to fucking _stay quiet. _"Brendon...everywhere, baby, please, touch me everywhere—everywhere you can reach, fuck, please, please, God..." Ryan was quickly degenerating into a panting, begging mess. He had never wanted anything this bad.

Brendon gently kissed his panting boyfriend's mouth, tasting him. "Mmm...I guess you earned it." He winked at Ryan to show he was only playing, then released his grip on the older boy's wrists. Ryan's arms threw themselves around his lover's neck, pulling him close with an almost inhuman amount of strength. "Whoa—you weren't—you weren't kidding, Ry. You want me bad." That was all Brendon could say around Ryan's eager, sloppy kiss, and Ryan just clutched him closer. "B.." the older boy gasped. "Bren, mmm, your _taste_, so good..." Brendon let his hands slide slowly, so slowly, down to his boyfriend's cock, wrapping his long fingers around him. Ryan's eyes fluttered into the back of his head, as Brendon stroked down Ryan's length once, fast. Ryan bit his lip to keep from crying out. Brendon saw his boyfriend's intention to be quiet. Oh, no, that wouldn't do at all. He moved up to nip Ryan's lower lip. "Ryan, why the hell," he nipped him again, "can't I hear you?" Ryan shivered. "Neighbors, babe..don't wanna..ahhhh..." Brendon giggled, and stroked Ryan's cock again, enjoying his reactions. "It's gotten late, Ry. They won't still be up. And besides..." He continued to get his boyfriend off, "I want to hear you _scream._" The next time Brendon's hands slid down him, Ryan couldn't stop the loud groan that fell from his lips. "That's it Ry..." Brendon crooned, "I wanna hear you fall apart for me." Brendon had no idea Ryan was this submissive, but, hey, if he really wanted it... Ryan continued to moan his pleasure. "God, Brendon, fuck me, _pleaseIwantyoutosobadfuckmeG od..." _Ryan's request was rushed, but Brendon was happy to oblige.

He kissed all down Ryan's chest, his hips, using his tongue to tease his cock. Ryan's hips snapped up. "Baby, ahhh, fuck me _please!"_ Brendon spread his moaning boyfriend, positioning himself. "God, Ry, you sound so cheap, begging me to fuck you. Little slut." Ryan moaned in reaction to the name. Brendon's eyes widened just a fraction. He liked that? Really? He giggled, and kissed the back of Ryan's neck, wet, teasing sensitive areas on his neck with his tongue in swipes. "Fuck me, _now, Brendon or I will leave." _Brendon doubted that. "You do sound like a whore right now, I just want you to know that." "God, B, I know, I know, just ummm, _inside _now." Brendon passionately kissed his boyfriend. "God, I love you...even if you do sound a little like a slut." He giggled. "My slut, that is."

All this before grabbing his lover's hips, tight enough to bruise, and slamming into him, rough, like Ryan seemed to like. "Ohhhhh, God, Brendon...I'm your—yes, uhmmm,your..." The words spilled out of Ryan faster than he could stop him. Ryan wasn't the only one panting now, Brendon was breathing heavy from the pressure swarming him. "My—my what?" he forced out, still teasing Ryan about his "worth". "God, B...If I'm a slut for anyone..." Ryan breathed, "Then I'm...your_...fuckI'myourslut..." _Brendon's hips snapped forward again at Ryan's statement."Ahh, Ryan, _so tight_..." Sentences were getting harder and harder to form as the both reached their limit. "Nfff, Bren—_Brendon?." _Ryan's voice had a desperate tone to it. "Yes?" A whine built in the younger boy's throat as he responded, and he let his head roll back. Ryan gasped out, _"Hard—harder?!" _Brendon did as he was told, "Yeah? You like that?" He failed at holding a steady rhythm, he only did what Ryan seemed to like. "Is this...ah, is this okay?" He asked. Ryan only nodded. "Tell me when your close" Brendon forced out.

A few moments later, Ryan shuddered, "Agh, Bren-_Brendon I-" _Brendon growled seductively in his boyfriend's ear,"You gonna cum for me, pretty boy?" "_Ahgodyesuhgfuckbabyso-" _Ryan came, hard, practically screaming Brendon's name, the sound echoing off the corners of the room. Brendon came soon after that, matching Ryan's scream of pleasure, only in a lower pitch.

Brendon rolled over, laying on top of his exhausted boyfriend, both gasping from their efforts. "Brendon...God, I love you." Ryan's declaration broke the silence. Brendon grinned, softly kissing him on the mouth. "I love you too, Ry...just don't ever, _ever_ hurt yourself again, okay?" Ryan nodded, "I have no reason to anymore." Ryan snuggled into Brendon's side, drifting off to sleep, and Brendon wrapped his arms around the boy he cherished. "Ry?" "Yes?" "When did you start liking..well, ya know..." Ryan smirked knowingly "A little bit of S&M? Its good to me...It makes me feel...more, God so much more than I would at any other time..." he kissed Brendon sweetly. "Especially if its coming from you."

Before sleep overtook him, Brendon kissed Ryan one more time. They were each others, now and forever. Brendon held his boyfriend tighter, and fell asleep breathing in the scents of sex and Ryan. He wouldn't trade his beautiful, broken boy for anyone in the whole world.

(A/N) _Okay so...stop...breathe...get your shaking under control. You fine now? Good. I just want to reiterate that I am NOT legally responsible for anything that happens to you from reading my, er, objectionable content. But I hope you enjoyed my first EVER sex scene (yep—you just helped me make history—the next THROAM you guys...sarcasm there). And hope you come back for more. __**I DO take story requests, so come at me, bro! **_


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